mumbling thru [monday].
and welcome to my blog. 💁🏼♂️✨👯♀️
Let’s Be Real, Today was a struggle.
And I don’t say that do be dramatic, or make this whole entry about my depression. But I share it because it’s the truth. I did not want to wake up today, I did not want to take care of myself and make breakfast, I did not want to shower, and it took until about 2:30PM to find the energy to do so.
I was stuck in fear about a few different things.
But I did it! I got out of bed, and it wasn’t perfect (because as we’ve learned, that’s okay). Luckily, I had a job at 5:00PM that I had to be at. So, I forced myself to shower and eat something, and just get out the door.
When I arrived at work (which today, was care-taking for an 84 year old man), I was given a good ol’ dose of reality: “to stop wasting my life away.”
Thank You, M.
Like many of us, there have definitely been times in my life where I’ve heard older people say things like “Enjoy your youth while you have it!” or “Just wait till your my age!” and thought, Oh goodness that’s annoying… let me chug this bottle of wine and enjoy my youth….
But today, I’m grateful that I was able to hear what he had to say today. That perhaps I’m being a little lazy. And honestly, I’m grateful that I have someone in my life that feels comfortable calling me out on my insecurities. When he asked me what I did earlier today, and I told him “nothing… I was depressed…” he just responded “Stop mumbling thru your life.”
“STOP mumbling thru your life.” -M.M.
He would then continue to ask me questions like, “What have you done this past year?” and as I struggled to answer the question coherently we both knew that I haven’t been very clear on what I’m doing, or why I’m doing it. Or perhaps more clearly, my dreams and desires aren’t always aligned with my actions.
Which, let’s make it very clear: It doesn’t really matter WHAT we’re doing.
Just as long as it has a purpose.
I used to be someone that LOVED to talk about my dreams and ideas. I used to love to live in that fantasy of what I would like to be doing or how I thought I could do that better, and very seldom did it lead to anything. I mean hello!? Feel free to look back through old blog posts, you’ll see the words “I want to start…” A LOT. And today, I am NOT going to allow myself to write about that. It’s inaccurate, it’s just talking to talk, and tbh it’s just a lot of mental masturbation.
"You can't always go thru life talking about tomorrow." -M. M.
So, I’m grateful to have been able to get through today even though it was a struggle at first. I am grateful to have M. in my life. I am grateful that I am willing to try and take his advice and take advantage of my youth. I am grateful to have been reminded of what hard work looks like, and the rewards it can bring. I am grateful to be taking things one day at a time.